Official Policy on Ninjas

The R Street Institute, a free market think tank located in Washington, D.C., stands opposed to ninjas. Firmly. We believe that excessive fanboy/fangirl interest in ninjas is inconsistent with our free market ideology.

While we acknowledge that some ninjas may have a number of reasonably cool attributes—such as the ability to use shuriken and fukiya to carry out silent assassinations of those who opposed their daimyo—we do not encourage ninjas to work here. We will never hire an office ninja to carry out assassinations or offer employee training in ninjitsu. While we reimburse gym membership for employees, the reimbursement may not be used for any type of ninja training. Those who hold college degrees in ninja arts need not apply for any jobs that R Street offers.

In short, we discriminate against those who work as professional ninjas.

Our reasons for opposition to ninjas are many:

  1. Ninjas were not involved in the market economy. They swore oaths of fealty to their liege lords, usually daimyos. Since daimyos represented the state, they were basically just government bureaucrats. And we favor fewer bureaucrats, not more.
  2. Ninja’s covert ways of waging war were not consistent with our desire to get ourselves in the media. A ninja would not do well during a talk radio interview, for example.
  3. Pirates are much, much, much cooler than ninjas in all respects. We explain why here.

We have likewise refused to swear fealty to any daimyo and, indeed, maintain a firm policy against any participation in the four-tier system of Japanese feudalism.