Alabama ABC’s Twitter looks like somebody’s been drinking
Increased consumption means increased revenues. Decreased consumption means the opposite. With that kind of contradiction, it’s no wonder that the ABC’s Twitter account is bit tipsy.
Just take a look at 2017 so far:
The ABC began the year with WebMD’s information about hangovers as a courtesy. If someone had a New Year’s hangover three days later, he or she probably did drink too much.
Here's some helpful information about hangovers!https://t.co/TcCogeOhC3 https://t.co/GLfasdaOXn— Alabama ABC Board (@AlabamaABC) January 3, 2017
In February, the ABC tweeted “Booze is the new popcorn at the movie theater!” That’s going to make movies more interesting, and the ABC is clearly excited about it.
Booze is the new popcorn at the movie theater!https://t.co/vWyLpJD7W3 https://t.co/gMl2UzgrDc— Alabama ABC Board (@AlabamaABC) February 3, 2017
In March, the ABC asked us to “Be safe out there!” and linked to a rather interesting Nevada-based website advocating “safe socializing” to help reduce consumption.
Be safe out there!https://t.co/hKNcQsr2DD https://t.co/ixv94ydAMN— Alabama ABC Board (@AlabamaABC) March 21, 2017
This April, the ABC decided to tackle distracted driving with an article claiming that texting while driving in Oregon is “another form of drunk driving.” It is not. Otherwise, we would see a run on whatever kind of phone they’re selling in Oregon.
Oregon cracking down on distracted driving! https://t.co/YdHIinPWRN https://t.co/xitjHQMmWl— Alabama ABC Board (@AlabamaABC) April 26, 2017
Next the ABC wanted to us to see that a newspaper in Louisiana doesn’t think LSU should have an official beer. Most Alabama football fans probably agree, but won’t begrudge them an official corndog.
Louisiana newspaper opposes state universities marketing spirits.https://t.co/kkxMIRjtQC https://t.co/QCe10EYW5n— Alabama ABC Board (@AlabamaABC) April 26, 2017
Then there was the tweet about drunk elderly people in the United Kingdom. Yep, that’s a thing.
Generational changes different than perceptions!https://t.co/Ezmi5qK6yd https://t.co/6712POo1Gg— Alabama ABC Board (@AlabamaABC) May 4, 2017
Never willing to let an exclamation point go to waste, the ABC found Alabama having the third highest beer taxes in America “Very Interesting!” I’m not sure Alabamians share the agency’s enthusiasm for taxes. Actually, I am sure. They do not.
Very interesting!https://t.co/w748XjGkrN https://t.co/MACgzb24x7— Alabama ABC Board (@AlabamaABC) June 14, 2017
You know what is interesting? The ABC admitted that the liquor mark-up increase isn’t because of factors at all related to the ABC.
Revenues from the mark-up increase are earmarked for DAs and the state court system. https://t.co/3ebGWExkvP https://t.co/XtjELU0OVs— Alabama ABC Board (@AlabamaABC) June 14, 2017
Next, the ABC ruined the day for people in Autauga County who like drinking in scary places.
The Shack's license is suspended for one year!https://t.co/0IqlkdqOuA https://t.co/8WB5ZrEVyF— Alabama ABC Board (@AlabamaABC) June 15, 2017
The ABC Board has “some friends who are in trouble” because getting drunk as a teenager leads to premature death. That’s awkward.
Uh oh! I have some friends who are in trouble!https://t.co/yti4qQoAFr https://t.co/cJGrzGmGVY— Alabama ABC Board (@AlabamaABC) June 19, 2017
In June, the ABC seemed to agree that religion is keeping the ABC in business. If big government and cronyism are a religion, then I’d probably agree.
https://t.co/1wFfNOegk3 reader asks why ABC Board is still in business.https://t.co/zEDLEK6AZE https://t.co/nLcJBGUcaP— Alabama ABC Board (@AlabamaABC) June 28, 2017
In July, the ABC pointed to research that concluding that binge drinking leads to compulsive drinking disorders–a surprise to those of us who thought binge drinking was a compulsive drinking disorder.
Binge drinking a real problem, especially for those underage. https://t.co/vlmkIEYu7c https://t.co/udbCGH01KL— Alabama ABC Board (@AlabamaABC) July 7, 2017
And most recently, rehab is opening doors for everyone! Since the ABC can’t actually control alcohol consumption, the agency would like us to know we have options.
Rehab options opening doors for everyone!https://t.co/paCXxzA4uR https://t.co/lnySQeYQEL— Alabama ABC Board (@AlabamaABC) August 21, 2017
I won’t spoil all the surprises. I left out some true gems. It’s pretty clear that the ABC doesn’t even know whether it wants us to drink more or less. That’s mostly because it’s a relic of Prohibition that wasn’t ever designed to maximize revenue. Claims about revenue “generation” are just another way the ABC justifies its existence. If that’s the case, then the Alabama Department of Revenue “generates” more revenue than any state agency.
Our politicians might not be conservative enough to get rid of the ABC like the majority of the country, but at least we get a little entertainment from a government social media feed that looks a little like somebody’s been drinking.
Image by Kues