April Fools: R Street Institute Opposes Male Oral Contraceptive Pills
BREAKING: Following Dobbs v. Jackson, the United States saw a 10 percent increase in interest for new male contraceptives, and nearly half of surveyed men were interested in starting one within the first year of availability. Research is also developing on a male birth control pill, and as we get closer to such a pill hitting the market, it is important to consider whether this family planning method is wise and what dangers may lurk around the corner.
- Male oral contraceptives will lead to sexual promiscuity.
With reduced risk of unintended pregnancy in a partner, the incentive for men to remain sexually restrained decreases. This is a slippery slope, because if oral contraceptives (OCs) ultimately enable men to engage in sex without long-term consequences, the threads of our societal fabric—as well as the virtue of personal responsibility—begin to unravel. Soon they will want jobs, too.
- Male oral contraceptive side effects will likely outweigh the benefits.
No medication comes without potential side effects, but the harms of OCs can be particularly terrible. These risks—anything from weight gain to deep vein thrombosis (DVT, otherwise known as a blood clot)—cannot be overstated and never have been. For example, an informal survey of Americans always finds a shocking number of people who know of a college roommate’s sister’s first-grade teacher who once had a blood clot. They don’t know if she was on birth control, but she may have been. In fact, the risk of DVT is everywhere: Pregnancy and the postpartum period both bring a higher relative risk of blood clots than OCs do, but unfortunately, there is no way to prevent pregnancy. We can, however, warn both men and women against taking OCs.
Further, OCs for men will probably have the same laundry list of potential side effects that come with OCs for women: headache, nausea, flat red rash on the genitals, swelling of the tongue or throat, loss of ability to see colors accurately, and—whoops, I clicked on the potential side effect list for ibuprofen.
- The science behind how oral contraceptives work is shaky at best.
Women’s OCs have been on the market for over 60 years, yet experts still don’t know how the female reproductive system works. What’s even in there? And storks are somehow involved. Using artificial hormones to control ovulation and sperm’s ability to reach an egg is unnatural and certainly does not have decades of research behind it proving how these hormones act in the body. If we begin to accept hormone medications as a “groundbreaking” family-planning method, we should prepare ourselves for whatever hormone treatment a Doctor Frankenstein thinks of next: For example, using “insulin” to treat diabetes, or injecting men with “androgens” to treat prostate cancer. We might even start supplementing testosterone to maintain the youthful vigor that men can lose in the process of aging.
- If allowed on the market, male oral contraceptives must be behind a prescription barrier to protect men.
Understanding potential contraindications is much too complicated for men to navigate independently, so male OCs should be kept behind a prescription barrier just as their female counterparts often are. Additionally, a medical provider must explain how to take a daily pill, in case they are unfamiliar with the concept. Fortunately, politicians have helped women understand they are incapable of independently selecting a birth control method based on their contraindications, and we must do the same for men. Without significant guidance from a physician, it’s unlikely that men will understand how to safely use male OCs.
Conclusion
Nothing is more important than protecting men from actual or theoretical harm. It’s true that female OCs have improved women’s economic mobility, health outcomes, and even child welfare. Yet, clearly, we cannot risk the potential harm that male OC might inflict on society.
Disclaimer: This piece is an April Fools’ Day joke. However, all of the poor reasons offered above for restricting access to contraception are, unfortunately, real objections to women’s birth control options over the years.