I want to talk Christmas songs. Not the kind you sing in church, but the kind you’ve been hearing on that one radio station that flipped its programming to Christmas music just after Labor Day and has been haranguing you with approximately 80,000 versions of the same eight songs for three months. There are some truly terrible Christmas songs. And in the spirit of the congenial debate often at play in this blog, I want to declare that there is a Most Terrible.

“The Christmas Shoes” is the worst Christmas song ever written. Not only is it needlessly depressing, agenda-driven and cloying, making it basically the Upworthy of Christmas songs, but it’s based on a premise that all Americans know to be untrue: that anyone standing in a checkout line the day before Christmas is really interested in the plight of anyone else also standing in the checkout line the day before Christmas. Your mother is dying? Great. My in-laws just invited themselves over, and they’re staying for three weeks. Beyond that, it’s just a terrible, terrible song.

You are free to disagree, of course, and I expect you will. Here are a few more that at least deserve an honorable mention.

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