Guys, the Transportation Safety Administration is very sad. Really sad. Like, they might not even feel like rifling through your unmentionables tonight they’re so dejected and depressed.

Everything about their job has simply lost its charm. Life as they know it may come to an abrupt end this week, though they will not actually be getting an unpaid vacation from work, thanks to regulations that mandate they work without pay until the “shutdown” subsides, and they would like you to know that despite what you’ve heard, witnessed and know to be true based on a boundless volume of evidence, the TSA is a very vital part of our Homeland Security program, and if you don’t fund them, America, there will be a price to pay. And that price is probably a cavity search.

If by the end of the week the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) does not receive funding, the Department shuts down.  A shutdown for the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) means that most of our employees would still continue to come to work, without receiving a paycheck for that work until the shutdown ends.

As a counterterrorism organization, our dedicated and professional workforce will – in the event of a shutdown – continue to secure our nation’s transportation systems, without pay, just as they did during the government shutdown of 2013. Over ninety percent of our workforce – that’s about 50,000 employees – would continue to report to duty.

Yes, critical operations would continue, but the support for those operations would cease. Approximately 6 percent of the TSA workforce would be furloughed. Hiring would cease. Required training would cease. Travel associated with routine planned security inspections would cease. Deployment of security technology equipment would potentially be delayed.

Although TSA is most recognized and known for our work in nearly 450 airports throughout the United States, our national security mission includes mass transit and passenger rail, as well as pipeline and container traffic. These transportation systems play a vital role in driving the engine of our economy.

Did you get that, America. A whopping 6 percent of the TSA will have to take the next week off. How dare you deny 94 percent of the TSA’s workforce their rightful time off? After all, it’s not as though this DHS situation has any merit, outside of say, heading off a massive abuse of executive power, which the TSA knows a thing or two about, or it’s not as if letting any more TSA employees off the hook during the impasse wouldn’t bring air travel to a screeching halt.

Anyway, Mitch McConnell is valiantly trying to weasel his way out of the whole mess, so perhaps the TSA needen’t fret.

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