Ray Rice’s knockout punch is ample reason to teach boys never to strike a woman
This week, the Baltimore Ravens released Ray Rice, their star running back, after additional video emerged of him knocking out his future wife, Janay Palmer, in an elevator altercation in Atlantic City, N.J. The National Football League also suspended Rice indefinitely.
The irony is that the NFL only suspended Rice for two games after a previous video of the same incident showed Rice dragging the unconscious Palmer from the elevator. After public backlash, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell conceded that Rice’s punishment was too lenient and subsequently strengthened the NFL’s domestic violence policy.
Sadly, the difference between the two responses highlights the failed reaction to domestic abuse by many Americans. It was not until Rice was caught on camera actually hitting Palmer that he truly felt the consequences of his actions.
Rice’s violent act is a more public example of a larger problem in our society. How many Americans have seen bruises and the look of fear in a woman’s eyes and thought of every plausible explanation other than the obvious?
Is that the best we can do for our wives, sisters and mothers?
If callously dragging someone’s unconscious body can plausibly be interpreted as “an argument that got out of hand,” then we need to reconsider our perspectives. Do we really need to see the blows on tape before we can respond?
I teach my boys that physical violence is never acceptable except to protect themselves or others from bodily harm. Admittedly, that exception is a hard line to walk and an even harder concept to convey to growing boys. The same strength that can be used to protect can quickly turn into a dangerous weapon.
That protective maxim has a further clarification: NEVER strike a woman. My boys ask all sorts of follow-up questions. What if she makes me mad? NEVER strike a woman. What if she hits me first? NEVER strike a woman. What if she takes my toys? NEVER strike a woman.
That life lesson is may not be politically correct or gender sensitive, but a man has no business ever striking a woman. Period.
The lesson carries important corollaries. If you see a man hitting a woman, stop him. If you suspect abuse, confront it. Men can have a significant impact on reducing domestic violence by setting an example and being willing to oppose domestic abuse as they encounter it.
We cannot afford to accept more excuses or continue to believe that a victim’s contributions to a conflict somehow mitigate extremely violent physical responses.
Tempers flare, people yell and they sometimes do things to hurt one another. That is a sad reality of humanity. At the very least, men should hold onto one rule no matter how tough situations become:
NEVER strike a woman.
